Momentum
by Saruvi
Summary: After an accident, Tsuzuki falls into a coma. Enticed by what his mind allows him to have with his partner, he decides to stay asleep. Can Hisoka show Tsuzuki reality is better than the mind's illusions?
1. Impact

**Disclaimer**: Yami no Matsuei and the characters Hisoka Kurosaki, Asato Tsuzuki, and other YnM characters are the property of Yoko Matsushita.

--

There was a time where Tsuzuki only thought about his young partner as nothing more than a spoiled brat. Then there came a time when he thought about him as his partner. Right before Kyoto, Tsuzuki began to think of the young boy as his friend. After Kyoto, Tsuzuki couldn't help not think about Hisoka as more than a brat, more than his partner and more just his friend. He couldn't keep the boy off his mind. He realized one day while the boy was calling him a baka, that he was in love with Hisoka.

Tsuzuki was afraid to tell Hisoka how he felt about him. Though, he suspected some of his feelings had seeped through his shields. He struggled daily not to just reach out and grab the boy and confess he was in love with him. Sure, he told his partner he loved him daily, but he said it in such a joking way that he knew the boy thought he wasn't serious.

But he was. And so far, the only person he knew he could tell was his friend and former partner Tatsumi. So that's how he came to find himself sitting in library talking to the man. He didn't realize that his partner would show up. Didn't realize the misunderstanding that would occur when Tatsumi patted the amethyst eyed sugar addict on the back and leaned in to hug him.

Hisoka stopped dead in his tracks. Seeing the Ministry's secretary hugging his partner. A surge of jealousy spread throughout him. Tsuzuki was his. Not Tatsumi's. His only. But he'd never told the man how he felt. Only come close to confessing during Kyoto. Though, without coming right out and saying the words, the empath knew the man hadn't picked up on his feelings.

The empath involutarily made a choking sob noise in the back of his throat, catching the attention of the two men hugging. Tsuzuki pulled out of Tatsumi's arms to stand.

"Soka, I didn't know you were here yet," Tsuzuki said, walking up to him.

"I just got here. I was looking for you," Hisoka's mouth was dry. He could use something to drink. Perhaps something to drown himself in.

Tatsumi stood, staring at the partners. He was happy for Tsuzuki. That the man had found love. He had convinced Tsuzuki to tell Hisoka how he felt. That he was in love with him. Though right now, Hisoka looked pinched. As though he were holding back something and Tatsumi thought perhaps the boy misunderstood what he'd seen between his partner and him.

Clearing his throat, Tatsumi went to explain, but Hisoka's voice interrupted him, "I'm heading to our office to get some paperwork done." And then the boy was gone.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki said, running after his partner.

--

In their office, Hisoka was angrily filling out his paperwork. He was pressing the pen to the paper so hard it was tearing through the thin parchment.

"Soka, are you alright?" Tsuzuki asked, sitting on the edge of Hisoka's desk.

"I'm fine. Could you please get to work?" Hisoka snapped.

"Ano Soka, I know something's wrong," the man prodded gently.

"What's it matter to you if something bothers me?" the boy stood up abruptly from his chair, almost knocking it over.

"Of course it matters to me. You're my par..." Tsuzuki began.

"Partner. Yes, I know. But that's all I'll ever be. You won't ever see me as anything more than that," Hisoka told him, turning his head away.

"Hisoka, I need to tell you something," Tsuzuki said.

"I don't really want to hear it Tsu. I just want to get our work done," the boy hung his head. He couldn't believe he'd been this stupid.

_Of course Tsuzuki wouldn't think of me as something more than a partner. I'm just a child to him. It's all I've ever been and all I'll ever be,_ Hisoka told himself.

"Hisoka, I really need you to listen to me," Tsuzuki practically begged.

"I don't want to hear it! I don't want to know you and Tatsumi are getting back together!" Hisoka shouted.

Tsuzuki was shocked. He snapped his purple gaze to his smaller partner.

"You think Tatsumi and I... are..." Tsuzuki whispered.

"Whatever. Just get to work baka," Hisoka snapped.

"Come on Soka, there's nothing between me and Tatsumi," the older shinigami said.

"I said get to work. I'm tired of doing my work plus yours," the boy told him.

Tsuzuki bit his lip, he didn't know what to say. Tatsumi had told him to just come right out tell the boy he was in love with him and wanted a relationship. But now Hisoka wouldn't even listen to him so he didn't know what to do. He was going to just say it when a knock sounded on their office door.

"Tsuzuki, Kurosaki-kun, you two have a case," Tatsumi said walking into their office.

"Alright," Hisoka said, taking the file the secretary was holding out to him.

Hisoka skimmed through the file.

"We have to go to Chijou to retrieve a boy's soul?" he asked.

"Yes, the boy was murdered. He doesn't want to leave his twin brother. He thinks that what happened to him will happen to his brother," Tatsumi explained.

Tsuzuki looked up at his partner. Hisoka handed him the file. A photograph fell out of the folder landing on the floor. Reaching down to pick it up, Tsuzuki went to stand up but bumped his head on Hisoka's desk.

"Itai!" Tsuzuki mumbled, rubbing his head. Hisoka rolled his eyes.

"So you two head down to Chijou and try to talk the boy into coming with you," Tatsumi told them.

Hisoka nodded and grabbed his partner by the arm, yanking him out of their office.

"Let's teleport down to Chijou Soka," Tsuzuki suggested.

"Naw, I want to try flying again," Hisoka replied. The last time he'd tried to fly, he had ended up looking down and had panicked. He hadn't tried it since.

"Ok," Tsuzuki nodded, smiling. He liked that nothing ever stopped Hisoka from conquering his fear of something, even if it took awhile, the boy would eventually push himself to overcome his fears.

Flying was easy for Tsuzuki, but Hisoka was still having a bit of trouble trying not to panic as he floated in the air. Tsuzuki reached out to help his partner stop spinning around as the boy tried to dive in a straight line.

"It's ok Soka, just relax and breathe," he told the boy. Hisoka nodded and set his jaw. He would do this.

Willing himself to relax, he straightened out his body and went to fly straight down, but he got caught in a cloud and when he passed through it, he was upside down. Panicking, he yelled for Tsuzuki.

Flying over to his partner, Tsuzuki tried to grab hold of the boy, but Hisoka happened to look down as he was suddenly flipped right side up and he grabbed hold of Tsuzuki, spinning the man around with him and he suddenly began a straight dive to Chijou.

Tsuzuki was trying to slow them down. At the speed they were going, they wouldn't be able to land safely and even as shinigami, a fall from that height would hurt. Hisoka grabbed onto Tsuzuki, holding himself close to his partner as Tsuzuki struggled to get their fall to stop.

They were coming closer to the buildings in Chijou. Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around his partner, turning them around just as they crashed into one of the buildings. Tsuzuki felt as the breath was knocked out of him as he hit the glass window of the building. Glass shattered around his head and Hisoka felt the man go limp in his arms.

Not thinking about anything but getting them both to safety, Hisoka teleported them back to Meifu. He landed on the steps of the Ministry, shouting for someone to help. Tsuzuki wasn't saying anything, his head was bleeding all over the hand Hisoka using to hold up the man's head.

Tatsumi and Watari rushed out of the building followed by Wakaba and Terazuma.

"What the hell Kurosaki!" Terazuma growled, but gasped when he saw Tsuzuki laying in the boy's arms.

"He won't wake up," Hisoka started to cry. Tears falling from his beautiful green eyes.

"Kurosaki-kun, let Watari see to him. Come with me," Tatsumi leaned down to gently place a hand on the boy's shoulder. Hisoka shook his head, cradling his partner in his arms. He wouldn't let him go.

Terazuma, responding to a nod from Tatsumi, stalked over and lifted Tsuzuki out of the boy's arms, careful not to make contact with the teen.

Hisoka just sat on the ground, crying and shaking. Wakaba knelt down to wrap her arms around the empath.

"Tsuzuki," Hisoka whispered before exhaustion took over and he passed out.


	2. Vertigo

When he woke up, he was in the infirmary. He sat up, noticing Wakaba was sitting in a chair next to his. Tatsumi was also next to his bed, but he was standing with his arms crossed over his brown suit. Hisoka looked at them and whispered his partner's name.

"He's alright Hisoka. Watari has him in another room," she told him.

"I want to see him," the boy replied.

"I don't think you should get out of bed right now Kurosaki-kun," the secretary said.

"I want to see Tsuzuki," Hisoka told them, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and standing up.

Wakaba looked at the secretary. Hisoka saw the look that passed between the two. There was something they weren't telling him. Well, he didn't care about them right now, he just wanted to see his partner.

Hisoka walked out of the room, intent on finding his partner. He walked down the hallway and went into Watari's lab. The scientist was sitting at his desk. He looked up when Hisoka entered the room.

"Hey bon, you shouldn't be out of bed yet," the blonde told him.

"Watari, I want to see Tsuzuki," Hisoka said, when the scientist didn't reply, he added, "Please, I need to see him."

"Alright bon, I'll take you to him," Watari said, getting up and motioning for the empath to follow him.

They walked down the hallway to a small room. Opening the door, Watari stepped into the room, followed by Hisoka.

Hisoka didn't know what to expect. But it wasn't what he saw. Tsuzuki was laying in the bed, his head was covered in bandages and there were tubes hooked to his arms running to machines. He was on an I.V. Hisoka felt tears in his eyes.

_This is my fault,_ he thought.

"Bon," Watari said behind him. He was checking the machines.

"Why is he on that?" Hisoka could barely speak as he pointed to the I.V. tube.

"He's in a coma. He sustained an open or what we call a penetrating head injury," Watari explained.

"What's that mean?" the boy asked.

"He sustained a major injury to his head. Glass breached his scalp and some cut into his brain tissue. But because he is a shinigami, his healing ability pushed the glass out. Though he still has some minor bleeding and swelling around his brain. He is healing, but slowly. What happened bon?" Watari asked.

"I was trying to fly again. And I got spun around, he grabbed me and I clung onto him but I panicked and began to fly downward. He held me and he turned us just before I would have crashed into a window," Hisoka's voice was strangled, he had to force himself to recount what happened that morning.

"That's why there was glass in his head," the scientist said.

"Watari, will he wake up?" the teen asked.

He could feel the despair creeping in. The awful knowledge of knowing he'd caused this to happen to his partner was becoming overwhelming. He felt like sinking to the floor.

"He's a shinigami bon, he'll come through this," came Watari's voice.

_Please wake up Tsu, please I am sorry,_ Hisoka's mind said over and over.

--

After Watari had left, Hisoka had laid on the bed, curled up to his partner, crying. He felt so alone, so lost and so worthless. He felt weak for not having been able to control himself while flying. For panicking and needing help.

_Because I'm so weak, my partner is in a coma,_ Hisoka thought.

"I'm sorry Tsu. Please, I love you, please be alright," he whispered to the man.

"So...ka," the soft voice whispered. Hisoka lifted his head as he felt a hand stroke his honey colored hair.

"Tsu, I'm sorry," the boy cried.

"Don't... cry... Soka," Tsuzuki whispered, then the purple eyes closed once again as the man fell back into a coma.

"No, wake up!" Hisoka whispered, then slowly repeated it again until he was screaming and Watari rushed into the room to see Hisoka holding onto his partner sobbing and begging for him to wake up.

--

Three days later, with little sleep, Hisoka was still laying by Tsuzuki's side. The man hadn't woken up, but the swelling had gone down and the bleeding had stopped. Even though Hisoka felt some relief that his partner was healing, he was still in a state of despair because Tsuzuki was still in a coma.

After that first night, his partner hadn't regained conciousness. Watari didn't know why, though he told Hisoka that there was nothing to worry about. Tsuzuki's vitals were stable and he was healing. So the scientist thought everything was beginning to go back to normal. He figured Tsuzuki would wake up in a day or so.

"You really think so?" Hisoka asked.

"He's a shinigami. We don't stay down too long," Watari said, trying to lighten the mood. Hisoka gave the man a blank look.

A surge of happiness hit Hisoka suddenly as he shifted to get more comfortable next to his partner. Startled, he thought he had felt it from Watari, but the scientist was busy looking at a paper that one of the machines had printed out.

Looking down at Tsuzuki, he saw the smile that had claimed the man's lips. There was a beeping coming from one of the machines and Watari went to look.

"His heart rate is increasing," Watari said.

"That's good right?" Hisoka asked.

"Well, from the looks of it, it's an excited speed up," the blonde told him.

"He's smiling and I can feel happiness coming from him," the boy said.

"Hmm, anything else?" Watari asked.

"He seems to be enjoying something. Maybe he's dreaming?" Hisoka suggested, though he didn't feel anything that would suggest that his partner was having a dream.

"No, he's not in rem sleep so he's not dreaming. He's in a coma. Big difference there," the scientist murmured.

"Then, what's happening to him? Whoa," Hisoka felt dizzy as feelings of excitement and anticipation coursed through him. He stared down at his partner's face. Tsuzuki's smile had changed to a look of desire. Feelings of lust and heat swept over the empath and he felt his throat close as he own heartbeat increased.

"He's... aroused," Hisoka whispered, hoping Watari hadn't heard him.

"Eh?" Watari asked, confused. He looked down at Tsuzuki, who was slowly shifting his hips.

"Oh kami, what the hell?" Hisoka muttered. He felt like he was on fire. His lips were dry and he darted his tongue out to wet them.

_Tsu, what the hell are you doing in there?!_ The teen thought as he felt himself falling into his partner's conciousness.


	3. Breathe

It wasn't the first time Hisoka had fallen into Tsuzuki's conciousness. Nor would it would be the last. The first time was in Kyoto outside the bar his partner had run from after trying to drink himself into oblivion.

However, this time was different. Hisoka floated awhile, passing through layers of different colored misty tendrils. He heard and felt all the voices, emotions, everything that swirled inside his partner's mind.

He gasped as he was suddenly thrown downwards into a funnel-like tendril of mist. Hisoka closed his eyes as tried to regain control in the darkness that was now enclosing itself around him when he felt himself hit something soft. He opened his eyes, trying to focus in the darkness he was now surrounded by when he heard a soft moan and a whispered name. There was a stream of twinkling lights where his partner lay and another him on a bed.

"What the hell?" he whispered, as he watched Tsuzuki swirl his tongueon the other Hisoka's neck and hands played with the other boy's clothing. Fingers slipping up under the fabric of the boy's shirt while other fingers slipped under the waistband of his jeans.

Hisoka struggled as every emotion radiating off the two people on the bed collided into his own concious, causing him to cry out and fall to his knees, his eyes locked to the scene before him.

The fingers under the shirt were starting to move up and began rubbing against one of his, no not his, the other him, nipples as the ones in his pants slid over to cup his growing arousal. Without meaning to, his own body tensed up and a soft moan escapted his lips as he watched as Tsuzuki's mouth claimed the other Hisoka's own.

_Focus, it's not you, it's just Tsuzuki's mind's version of you. This isn't happening to you,_ Hisoka told himself, but he was flooded with the feelings he'd felt from his partner outside the man's mind. Lifting his head, he almost choked as lust washed over him, as he struggled not to collapse under the feelings he was picking up from the couple on the bed.

"Soka," a velvety voice whispered as the lips moved to suck on his other self's neck.

_Oh kami, what is going on?_ Hisoka thought as he watched the scene take place on the bed.

"Tsu-Tsuzuki, what are you..." the other Hisoka asked, as the man above him pressed himself against him causing the boy to moan and almost scream with pleasure.

"Shh, I've always wanted to do this," Tsuzuki told him.

_Always wanted to do... ?_ Hisoka couldn't think. It amazed him that he could be so drawn into his partner's emotions and how brilliantly vibrant they felt as they invaded his own senses.

_So like my own,_ he thought, as everything the dream Hisoka was feeling slammed into him and he cried out.

--

Outside in the room Watari had put Tsuzuki in, the scientist was frantically trying to settle Hisoka down. The boy kept arching and spasming. Watari ran from the room to find Tatsumi, hoping Hisoka would be alright for just a few minutes while he looked for the secretary.

--

Dream Hisoka moaned his partner's name as the man slid his jeans off. He'd already gotten the boy out of his shirt and was kissing his pale chest.

_I have to stop this, _Hisoka thought, just as his partner placed his mouth over one of the boy on the bed's nipples.

"Tsu,"dream Hisoka gasped, "Please."

"Mmm, I know baby, feels good," Tsuzuki whispered seductively into the other boy's ear.

The warm breath sent shivers down his spine. Dream Hisoka tugged on his partner's hair while real Hisoka kept telling himself needed to stop them. This wasn't happening. His partner was in a coma and here he was, in the man's mind, watching as a dream version of himself and the man were steps away from making love.

Hisoka watched as Tsuzuki spread dream Hisoka's legs, sliding into the boy's trembling body causing his illusory self to sceam Tsuzuki's name.

And Hisoka collapsed.

--

"What started this?" Tatsumi asked.

Watari explained everything that had happened up until he'd went to get the secretary. Hisoka was now gasping for breath and whispering Tsuzuki's name. His fingers were clenching and unclenching as he body arched up and his legs parted.

Tatsumi and Watari had placed Hisoka into the bed next to Tsuzuki's. It seemed Hisoka was now in the same state as his partner. The boy wouldn't wake up, but whereas Tsuzuki wasn't moving much, the teen was thrashing as he fought to catch his breath.

"What do you think is happening to him?" Tatsumi asked.

"Right before this happened, he said Tsuzuki was aroused, then he passed out. I think, bon is inside Tsuzuki's conciousness," Watari told him.

"So what we're witnessing now is a combined wet dream?" the blue eyed secretary stated dryly.

"It's not a dream Tatsumi. They aren't sleeping. They are somehow entwined together inside Tsuzuki's mind. So whatever Tsuzuki was feeling before bon fell into him, bon is now part of," the blonde explained.

Tatsumi exhaled sharply. They needed to find a way to get the partner's to wake up.

"Any chance they will come out of this on their own?" he inquired.

"Hopefully. I am going to try to see if I can get into bon's mind to see what is happening, but I can't do that until he settles down," Watari told him.

"Let's pray Tsuzuki isn't the all night kind of guy," Tatsumi dryly making Watari laugh.

--

Hisoka didn't calm down until shortly before dawn. Watari had sat in a chair all night hoping to get the boy to settle down but nothing helped. Now, Hisoka was breathing steadily and his heartrate was evening out. Watari was exhausted, having stayed up all night, so he checked the two shinigami over one last time before he headed to his office to sleep in the small cot he had in there.

Two hours later, Tatsumi was standing above him, cup of steaming coffee in his hand, telling him Hisoka was awake. He groggily accepted the cup and gulped the hot contents down as he stood up and headed to the room with Tsuzuki and Hisoka. Tatsumi following.


	4. Decision

"What happened in there?" Tatsumi asked, watching as Watari handed the boy a glass of water.

Hisoka's face flushed. He really didn't want to tell the two men what he'd seen Tsuzuki doing to him, well not to him exactly. It was him and then it wasn't. It was his partner's minds version of what he wanted Hisoka to act like if they were intimate. Hisoka felt himself growing hot as he thought back to the scene in his partner's concious.

"Kurosaki-kun, we already know something... intimate... took place in there. We watched the way your body was behaving. If we're going to help Tsuzuki you need to get over being shy," Tatsumi said.

Hisoka felt the blush spreading up to the roots of his hair. They'd watched him. He felt really self-concious now.

_Wake up Tsuzuki so I can throw a book at you baka!_ Hisoka thought.

Hisoka stammered out what he'd seen when he'd been in his partner's mind. He was grateful that neither man seemed shocked or embarrassed.

"So he was making love to another version of you?" Watari asked. Hisoka nodded.

"Makes sense with the way he feels about you Kurosaki-kun," Tatsumi said, causing Hisoka to jerk his head up to look at the secretary.

"Nani? The way he feels about me? Aren't you and him back together?" Hisoka asked.

Tatsumi's face looked shocked. Which was something since Hisoka rarely saw the secretary show emotion.

"Tsuzuki and I? What gave you that... I see, the library," Tatsumi said. Hisoka nodded.

Tatsumi sat on the edge of Hisoka's bed. "Tsuzuki came to me to ask for my advice. He wanted to tell you he was in love with you, but he was afraid. I told him to just come right out and tell you. I had thought he'd told you in the office that same day," the secretary explained.

"He... is in love with me?" Hisoka asked stunned. Tatsumi nodded.

He didn't understand how he could be so shocked, but he was. Tsuzuki told him everyday he loved him, but Hisoka always thought the man was joking. Afterall, Tsuzuki was like a kid who loved everyone.

"He wants a relationship with you. But he's afraid of pushing you into doing something you don't want," Tatsumi said.

"But, I'm in love with him too!" Hisoka told him.

"I know that. But he doesn't. He believes because of your past, you won't want to have an physical relationship with him," Tatsumi replied.

"He could have just told me. I wouldn't let my past interfere with a relationship with the man I love," Hisoka was about to cry. He felt awful for how he'd treated Tsuzuki that day in their office. The man was going to confess his feelings for him and he'd gotten upset and lashed out at him. Covering his face with his hands, he let his tears slip from his eyes. Tatsumi and Watari left him alone, telling him they'd be back a little later and to get some rest.

--

"Are you insane bon? You're planning to go back into his mind?" Watari asked incredulous.

"I just said that I was," Hisoka was exasperated.

He'd gotten a few hours of restless sleep. He kept thinking about Tsuzuki and what Tatsumi had told him. His mind kept drifting back to the scene in his partner's mind. After jerking away gasping and sweaty, he'd given up on sleeping.

Sliding from the bed, he'd walked down the hallways of the Ministry trying to find Tatsumi and Watari. He had found them drinking coffee and chatting in the break room. Watari had insisted on him going back to bed, but Hisoka had refused, sitting down in a chair at the small table.

Now Hisoka was getting irritated. He'd explained that he was going back into Tsuzuki's mind. He had realized something. Tsuzuki thought he didn't love him back. So he believed, he couldn't have the kind of relationship he wanted with Hisoka. Unless it was inside his mind. And Hisoka believed, that was why Tsuzuki wouldn't wake up.

He'd explained the conclusions he'd come to and the decision he'd made. Watari, as a scientist knew the effects that playing inside another person's concious could have. While Tatsumi had just listened to Hisoka, not saying anything.

"Bon, it's dangerous to delve into another person's concious," Watari said.

"Watari, he's right though, as much as we don't want to admit it. If Tsuzuki's mind is creating the life he wants with him, he's not going to want to leave. Kurosaki-kun is the only one that can get Tsuzuki to wake up," Tatsumi said.

Hisoka was glad to have the secretary there. He wouldn't have been able to make Watari understand. Or even if the scientist did understand, his medical training wouldn't have allowed Hisoka to delve into Tsuzuki's mind again so willingly.

"Alright," Watari conceded, "But, I will monitor you while you're in there. If anything serious happens and I feel you're melding with his concious, I'll pull you out."

"Deal. I want to try now though," Hisoka said.

"No, you need some more sleep. You barely slept two hours," Watari said, but Hisoka started to interrupt, "Sleep another few hours or the deal is off bon."

Hisoka had no choice but to agree.

--

Three hours later and Hisoka stood his ground on going back into his partner's mind.

"I've slept enough Watari! Stop acting like a mother hen!" the teen ground out.

Watari chuckled, "Gomen bon, I am just trying to make sure you're alright and have had enough rest."

"I know but I want to go get my partner back," Hisoka told him.

Watari nodded and after checking Tsuzuki over once again, Hisoka climbed into the man's bed. He laid down next to his partner. Inhaling the scent of him, Hisoka wrapped an arm around Tsuzuki's chest, cuddling close to him.

"Well, here goes nothing," Hisoka said, silently adding, 'and everything.'

"Be careful Kurosaki-kun. Bring him out," Tatsumi told him.

"I will Sir," the teen replied.

He closed his eyes as he reached out with his empathy. Feeling a tug on his own concious, he delved deeper until he reached the familiar feelings of Tsuzuki's mind. His body lurched as he let himself fall.


	5. Discord

This time, Hisoka was glad to see that his partner and the dream Hisoka were sitting under a tree and not in bed. Dream Hisoka was reading a book, while leaning against Tsuzuki who was feeding him grapes. Tsuzuki was sitting against the tree while sakura petals floated around the two of them.

Hisoka's heart thumped since it was a familiar scene, minus the grapes of course. He hadn't known how much his partner enjoyed relaxing with him while holding him. Something inside Hisoka felt really sad that he had missed all the signs that it was him that Tsuzuki loved.

"Ne Hisoka, do you love me?" Tsuzuki asked.

Real Hisoka wanted to scream yes, I love you, but he held himself quiet as he listened to his dream version nod and say,

"Yeah I love you."

Tsuzuki's hold tightened on his dream self and Hisoka felt his throat tighten. He wished it was himself that was in his partner's arms at that moment.

"Why do you love me?" Tsuzuki asked suddenly, causing dream Hisoka to put the book down and turn around in his arms.

"I love you because you're everything I ever wanted," dream Hisoka said, straddling the man.

It was something he would actually say if ever asked that question. Tsuzuki was everything he wanted and more. And Hisoka felt he might have ruined any chance he had with his partner.

_Snap out of it! You couldn't have ruined anything if he's here, dreaming of you,_ his mind told him.

Hisoka sat down and just watched the two. He felt jealous that it was not him, his real self on his partner's lap, in his arms. He felt stupid for being jealous of himself, but he couldn't help it. He loved Tsuzuki so much and he just wanted the man to wake up so he could tell him.

"You're everything I ever wanted too soka," Tsuzuki whispered.

Dream Hisoka leaned in and kissed Tsuzuki while real Hisoka whispered, "I love you," as tears fell from his eyes.

--

The scene had shifted to the pair working in their office. Hisoka watched as his dream version yelled and called his partner a baka. He watched as Tsuzuki turned into an inu-chibi and whined for sweets. He smiled when his partner flung himself at him telling him he loved him and please please could he have some apple pie?

"Yes Tsuzuki, you can have some apple pie, just get the hell off me!" dream Hisoka yelled.

"Sankyuu Soka-chan!" inu-Tsuzuki said happily running from the office.

"Don't call me that!" dream Hisoka shouted, slamming the office door.

_Am I really that mean to him? No wonder he was afraid to confess to me for so long,_ he thought.

He tried to think of a way to approach Tsuzuki without freaking his partner out. He thought seeing two Hisoka's would make the man withdraw even further into his mind, but he had to think of something to get Tsuzuki to come out of the coma he refused to wake up from.

Biting his lip, he sighed and let his shoulders slump as the scene shifted. He looked around noticing he was now in Tsuzuki's apartment, laying on top of his partner, hungrily kissing each other.

_Is that all he thinks about?_ He thought, blushing.

He wasn't angry, he just felt really uncomfortable watching himself and his partner doing things like this. Part of him was shy while the other part was annoyed it was a dream version of him doing these things.

_Maybe if I catch him without my dream self,_ Hisoka thought.

He sat on the floor in Tsuzuki's apartment in the man's mind, waiting until the two on the sofa pulled apart, gasping for breath. He watched as his dream self blushed when Tsuzuki leaned up to place a kiss on his forehead.

Hisoka stood up just in case the opportunity arose where he could approach his partner. He didn't have long of a wait. His dream version said something he couldn't hear, Tsuzuki nodded, and the dream Hisoka got up from the sofa and made his way down the hallway.

--

"I knew you'd come sooner or later," Tsuzuki said, looking up at Hisoka.

"Why won't you wake up Tsu? Watari says there's nothing keeping you in here," Hisoka told him.

Tsuzuki shrugged, "It's nice in here, with him."

"With him? He's not real. Your mind created him," the boy said.

"Doesn't matter. He doesn't flinch when I touch him," Tsuzuki replied, making Hisoka snap his green eyes to Tsuzuki's purple.

"I... didn't realize I did that," the teen answered.

"Yeah, it doesn't make me feel wanted when you flinch and pull away from my touch," his partner told him.

"I'm sorry Tsu. But you can't stay in here," Hisoka said, gesturing with a hand to their surroundings.

"What's out there for me? A partner who thinks I'm going to hurt him like Muraki?" Tsuzuki sat up on the sofa, hanging his head.

"I don't think that!" Hisoka was suddenly upset, "I never thought that."

"Hontou ni? You make me feel like I am though," the older shinigami told him.

Hisoka walked over to the sofa and sat down next to his partner.

"He doesn't make me feel... unwanted. He lets me touch him without shying away," Tsuzuki murmured.

"He's not real Tsu. You need to wake up, we can work on this if you wake up," Hisoka told him.

Tsuzuki stood up from the sofa, backing away from Hisoka.

"I told you, I'm fine in here," he said.

"You would rather stay in here with an illusion of me than be with the real me out there?" Hisoka asked incredulous. He couldn't believe his partner would choose to stay in a coma just to have an illusion.

"I don't know. What happens if I go back?" Tsuzuki asked.

"We try. We work on a relationship. I love you," Hisoka said, he was trying not to beg.

"I love you too. I've always loved you. But," Tsuzuki trailed off, his gaze going down the hallway.

"But what?" the boy prodded.

"I want to stay in here. With him. I don't want to see you pull away from me anymore. You're offering me to try to work on an intimate relationship with you, but in here, I already have one," Tsuzuki said, dragging his gaze back to Hisoka.

"Do you know what you're saying?" Hisoka asked.

"You think I'm crazy huh? Because I'm choosing an illusion over the real thing," Tsuzuki asked.

Hisoka nodded.

"That's fine Soka. But you can't promise me that you won't let what that man did to you interfere with us," the older shinigami said.

"Dammit to hell Tsuzuki! You can't stay in here forever!" Hisoka yelled, standing up from the sofa.

"I can do whatever I want Soka. Just like you. You tell me you love me, but do you know what kind of relationship I want with you?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Yes, I watched you and him. I'm prepared to try," Hisoka replied.

"And what happens if you can't? I would be..." Tsuzuki trailed off.

"You would be what? Talk to me Tsu. I know if you just gave me a chance, I could give you what you want," Hisoka felt tears fill his green eyes.

"I don't know Hisoka. I've waited a long time for you. I've loved you before Kyoto, and afterwards, I realized I wanted to be with you. But you always pushed me away. Now, I'm happy and you want to take that away from me," Tsuzuki told him.

"I don't want to take it away Tsu. I want to replace an illusion with reality," Hisoka said.

"No, I told you, there's nothing out there for me. I have everything I want in here," Tsuzuki whispered.

"This... this damn illusion is what you want? How can you stand here and tell me you'd rather have a false reality of a relationship over a real one with me?" Hisoka yelled. Tsuzuki hung his head.

"Soka, please understand. I just want..." Tsuzuki stopped when Hisoka slapped him across the face.

"I don't understand dammit! I said I would try. I told you, I wouldn't pull away from you! How can you choose something fake?" Hisoka was angry, his voice rising with every word. Tsuzuki didn't say anything, just stood there.

"How can you do this? Why are you doing this!" Hisoka shouted.

He watched Tsuzuki open his mouth to say something, but he never got to hear it as he was suddenly jerked out of the man's concious and back to reality.

"Watari! What the hell!" he shouted sitting up in the bed.

"I told you bon, any signs of distress I would pull you out," the scientist told him.

Hisoka crawled out of the bed and stood there, shoulders slumped.

"He won't come out. I'm going back in there," the boy said.

"No you're not. You need to rest and eat something. Don't argue with me bon," Watari told him, when Hisoka opened his mouth to disagree. The boy quickly shut his mouth and shot a glare at the scientist.

"Come on bon, let's go see Tatsumi," the blonde said, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him from the room.


	6. Tranquility

Tsuzuki closed his eyes as dream Hisoka placed soft kisses on his stomach, licking around his belly button. He lifted his hands to run his fingers into the silky honey colored hair, so like his partner's real hair. He had to give it to himself. This version of his partner his mind had created was nearly perfect. Nearly, but not quite.

This boy didn't have Hisoka's past, so he didn't shy away from touches or kisses. He didn't pull away and scream if they tried to be intimate. Tsuzuki thought that this was what he wanted. At first it was. But now, he found the impassivity of the illusion almost like a prison.

He enjoyed everything he had in his mind, make no mistake about that, but there was something missing. This Hisoka wanted nothing more than to just make him happy. Without thought to whatever he himself might want. No questioning about anything Tsuzuki did to him or suggested they do.

This boy never got angry, never threw things at him. He didn't cry or have nightmares and call out for Tsuzuki. He wasn't afraid of anything. He never called him a baka, never... acted like his real version did. The illusion was all for him and him alone. This was the part that made Tsuzuki want to leave, but he couldn't. Not after what he'd said to Hisoka. Tsuzuki tugged on the boy's hair, pulling him up to search his eyes.

While there was passion and lust in these green eyes, there was something, a spark that Hisoka normally had, missing. Tsuzuki felt alone, even though he had what he wanted. Thought he'd wanted.

"Tsu?" dream Hisoka asked.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Did I do something wrong?" the boy asked.

"No baby, you didn't do anything wrong. Why do you ask?" he told him.

_I did though, _he thought, _I did something wrong._

"You seem... far away," the boy said.

"I was just thinking," he said.

The green eyes blinked, looking at him. It seemed the boy was debating whether to ask him about it or not. Apparently, he'd come to the decision not to as he leaned in and sucked on Tsuzuki's neck.

This was what the man had chosen, what he wanted. Not to have the one he loved pull away from him or his touch. To have the kind of relationship with the boy he'd fallen in love with that he had created here in his mind. Right?

He was so used to Hisoka prying and demanding to know what was bothering him, he felt a lump form in his throat when this version of Hisoka let the matter drop and continued on pleasuring him. The boy bit down on Tsuzuki's ear, and the shinigami arched into him, moaning.

_If this is what I chose, I better enjoy it,_ Tsuzuki thought.

--

Afterwards, as they lay breathing heavily and panting, their pulses racing, Tsuzuki couldn't help think about what Hisoka was doing. He wished he were the one laying next to him in bed. He did feel guilty as though he were being unfaithful to the boy laying next to him, but thought, why feel that way if what was laying next to him wasn't real.

_You would rather stay in here with an illusion of me than be with the real me out there?_

_I have everything I want in here._

And he did have everything he wanted in here. Everything he'd always wanted. Except the one thing he needed most. Wanted more than anything. Hisoka. Not the illusion he'd come up with, but the real thing. With his beautiful, emerald eyes sometimes filled with such hurt, or anger, even sometimes fear. The green sparkling with laughter when the boy was happy that made Tsuzuki just want to take him in his arms and never let him go. Yes, he had what he thought he had wanted. So why was he suddenly thinking about all this?

_I love you._

_I love you too. I've always loved you._

Tsuzuki had told the truth. He'd always loved his partner. Even if at first it was a brotherly type of love, it had soon become more than that. Encompassing his heart and mind. Even wrapping itself around his soul. He had always wanted to be with the boy, but it made him feel ashamed to watch the boy pull away or shut down because he'd tried to touch him.

_I don't understand dammit! I said I would try. I told you, I wouldn't pull away from you! How can you choose something fake?_

_How can I? Simple answer to that,_ he thought. _I want what you can't give me._ But was that true? Was it that Hisoka couldn't give him what he wanted or was it that Tsuzuki _believed _Hisoka couldn't? Tsuzuki couldn't think anymore.

If Hisoka was willing to try...

Shouldn't Tsuzuki want to leave his mind's illusion? What would happen if he left the safety of his mind and it's creation of the boy he loved, to wake up to the possibility of a relationship that might not work out? In truth, Tsuzuki was afraid of failing. Of opening up and having his partner realize, he couldn't handle an intimate relationship with him.

_This... this damn illusion is what you want? How can you stand here and tell me you'd rather have a false reality of a relationship over a real one with me?_

Sighing, he turned over as two small arms wrapped around his frame and snuggled close. No, he wouldn't wake up. He was afraid to take the chance. Even with it's flaws, this illusion was better than the possible failure of a relationship in reality.

--

"So he won't come out because he has the relationship with you that he's always wanted in there?" Tatsumi reiterated.

Hisoka nodded. The three were in the break room. Hisoka was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest while Tatsumi and Watari were seated at the table.

"He's afraid," Watari said.

Tatsumi and Hisoka both looked over at the scientist.

"Of what?" Hisoka asked.

"You told him you would try right? Well, he's afraid that if you try, you might not be able to handle it," Watari told them.

"But, I would be able to handle it. To be with him, I wouldn't let my past come between us," Hisoka said.

"Then, next time you go in there, you have to make him realize that you want the same things for you and him that he does," Watari said.

"How do I do that?" Hisoka asked.

"Only you can figure that out Kurosaki-kun," Tatsumi told him.

"Right, so I'll get some sleep and then go back into his mind," Hisoka said as he got up and walked out of the break room.

"Tatsumi, what do you think he really has to do?" Watari asked when Hisoka was gone.

"Whatever it takes to prove to Tsuzuki that he loves him and wants the relationship that Tsuzuki has created in his mind," Tatsumi said.

"I wonder if bon can somehow merge himself with his illusionary self. Without Tsuzuki knowing, so he can..." Watari trailed off.

"So he can what Watari?" Tatsumi prompted.

"Prove that he can handle what Tsuzuki wants from him, with him," Watari replied.

Tatsumi's blue eyes closed, then opened, "I don't know. Perhaps, we should suggest this to Kurosaki-kun when he wakes up."

"Yeah. If he can merge with the illusion without Tsuzuki knowing, it would give him time to prove he wants an intimate relationship with the man," Watari's amber eyes stared unblinkingly as he lowered his head to stare into his coffee.

--

Leaning over Tsuzuki, Hisoka gently placed a kiss on the man's mouth. Then he climbed into the bed on the other side of the room, rolling over to get comfortable.

_Whatever it takes, I'll get you to come out. I'll show you I can handle your love,_ he thought before his eyes closed and sleep overtook him.


	7. Unravel

"Explain this to me again. You want me to merge with the illusion of myself that Tsuzuki has created?" Hisoka asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes, Kurosaki-kun. But, we think it would be better if you do not let Tsuzuki know that you've merged the illusion to yourself," Tatsumi said.

"How would I do this?" the empath asked.

"By using your empathy, you can reach out to the illusion, since it isn't substance. It's not really there. It's form is, but it's not real," Watari explained.

"So I wrap it up in my empathy, drawing the illusion into myself?" Hisoka asked.

"Exactly bon," Watari said, nodding.

"Hmm, do you think that would work? I mean, I would have to do it so Tsuzuki wouldn't know. And I would have to behave as the illusion has," the teen said, thinking about how to go about this.

"I think you can do it Kurosaki-kun. You've watched the illusion's behavior and you know how Tsuzuki's mind has made the illusion respond to him, it's mannerisms, everything about it. You've seen it several times," Tatsumi said.

"Yeah, so I would just wait until Tsuzuki wasn't watching to absorb the illusion into myself and then behave as it does until I can prove to Tsuzuki that I can handle a relationship with him including intimacy," Hisoka bit his lip as Watari and Tatsumi nodded their heads in unison.

"Alright," Hisoka said walking out of the break room.

--

Hisoka crawled into the bed his partner was laying in. He trailed his fingertips over the soft flesh of the man's cheek as he leaned in to place a quick kiss on the pale lips.

_I hope I can do this,_ Hisoka thought as he got comfortable. Shifting close to his partner as he closed his eyes and let himself fall into Tsuzuki's mind.

--

"Ne Tsu, what would you like to do today?" dream Hisoka asked his lover as he sat in the man's lap on the bed within Tsuzuki's mind.

Tsuzuki stopped playing with the honey colored hair of the illusion his mind created of his partner. He thought about what he'd like to do, and realized, it was the one thing he couldn't.

_I want to wake up, but I don't want to face Hisoka's anger again,_ the man thought.

"Whatever you want baby," he said softly.

The illusion turned around and looked at him curiously. It was as though, he didn't understand the comment. His only desire was to make Tsuzuki happy. Without any idea what to do, dream Hisoka leaned up and kissed Tsuzuki. He knew the action would make the man happy. He was happiest in bed with him so dream Hisoka would just take the man to bed again.

"This makes you happy," Hisoka whispered as he kissed the man's neck.

Tsuzuki felt trapped in his own mind. He had ruined things with his partner and now he was feeling as though he were drifting away from his own illusion. He wondered if he even enjoyed the simple act of making love to the boy in his mind.

It seemed to Tsuzuki that his illusion was fraying. Becoming more lifeless the more he thought about the fact that it was just an illusion. He couldn't stop thinking about what Hisoka had said to him the last time he'd seen him.

A small voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"Does this make you happy Tsu?" the boy asked when Tsuzuki didn't respond immediately.

"Yes baby, it makes me happy," the man replied.

It wasn't a complete lie. He was still happy. Illusion or not. He found himself moaning as the boy's tongue trailed down as he pushed Tsuzuki backwards on the bed, straddling his hips.

_At least my body still enjoys what my mind created,_ he thought ruefully.

But as they made love, all Tsuzuki could think about was his partner.

--

Hisoka felt himself drifting as he watched his partner and his other self make love slowly. He could pick up despair and sadness among the feelings of desire and lust. He had to keep reminding himself to just wait until he found an opening where he could merge with his dream version.

_Illusion not measuring up to reality,_ he thought to himself, hoping the couple would hurry up.

He was still wishing it were him his partner was making love to. He blushed as his dream self moaned as the boy's body arched up in release. He watched as Tsuzuki followed shortly after. He bit his lip as he saw them roll over and cuddle as they fell asleep, sated and sleepy.

_Guess it's now or never,_ he thought as he reached out to his illusory self with his empathy.

--

The illusion didn't make a sound as Hisoka's empathy reached out to it. Since Watari was right about it not having substance, Hisoka pulled it's form into himself as he wrapped it up in a tight cocoon with his empathy. He felt the illusion become part of himself.

As Hisoka merged with his illusionary self, he found himself replacing the form wrapped in his partner's arms. Inhaling the scent of Tsuzuki, Hisoka had to fight back tears. He felt horrible at having to deceive his partner, but he and the others hadn't come up with another plan to get the man to come out of his mind. Tsuzuki shifted and Hisoka tightened his arms around the man.

Hisoka picked up sadness from Tsuzuki, and he wanted to ask why the man was so sad, even though he knew the reason. He couldn't ask though. He knew the illusion never really questioned anything too important. So he just concentrated on breathing properly while enjoying the feel of being in Tsuzuki's arms.

Laying there in his partner's arms stirred something within Hisoka. He wanted Tsuzuki. More than he'd ever wanted anything. Leaning his head up, he kissed the man's neck, sucking gently on the soft flesh.

Tsuzuki moaned in his sleep while Hisoka licked and nipped at his neck.

"Soka, I miss you," Tsuzuki murmured sleepily.

Hisoka pulled back, tears springing to his green eyes. _I miss you too Tsu, and I'm going to do whatever to get you to come out,_ he thought, leaning over to kiss the man on the lips.

It wouldn't be hard for him to seduce Tsuzuki. It wasn't as though Hisoka didn't want to be intimately connected to the man. He'd wanted it for a long time, so rolling on top of his partner, he ground their hips together as he licked along Tsuzuki's jawline and down to his throat.

Tsuzuki arched up into him, moaning and running his fingers into his hair. He whispered the boy's name while opening his amethyst eyes to stare at his partner. For just a second, there was a spark of hope in those purple eyes, but it was quickly snuffed out as Tsuzuki pushed it away believing it was just the illusion of Hisoka seducing him again.

"Soka, we just made love. We should get some sleep," Tsuzuki told the boy.

He found himself pulling from the illusion half intentionally. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. Besides being completely sure that he wanted the real version of his partner.

_What do I do if this is what I chose? _He thought.

"I just want to make you happy Tsu," Hisoka whispered, kissing along the man's collarbone, "don't push me away please."

Hisoka saw and felt the inner turmoil Tsuzuki was going through. He was coming to the realization that an illusion, no matter how lovely or realistic it is, is just simply an illusion and nothing more. Hisoka's heart hurt thinking about Tsuzuki hurting, but their problems weren't over. He still had to make the man see that he wanted to be with him, in every way possible, so he continued kissing down the man's body.

Tsuzuki shut his eyes. Everything he touched, he ended up hurting. He should just be happy with his choice, shouldn't he? It was what he wanted. What he had told his partner he had picked.

_Baka, you made your choice, now deal with it,_ he chastised himself.

Hisoka moaned as Tsuzuki tugged on his hair, pulling him up to kiss him as the man arched up to press his hips against Hisoka's. They moved together, their bodies ready for each other, but Hisoka wanted to take his time, since it was his first time with Tsuzuki. Though it wasn't his first time having intercourse, it would be the only one that would ever matter to him.

"I love you," Hisoka whispered, wiggling against Tsuzuki's heat.

"I... love you too," Tsuzuki replied hestiantly back. He felt awful. Because now it was becoming a lie. He couldn't say the words to this illusion anymore and mean them.

He felt tears fill his eyes as he felt Hisoka rise up and slide himself over him. It felt so incredibly good. For a split second, he felt the boy gasp as his muscles clenched around Tsuzuki's member as he pushed himself down on him. Almost as though it were his first time. As though...

_No, stop thinking and just enjoy it, you know it's not really him,_ Tsuzuki's mind told him.


	8. Awakening

**A/N**: Well, according to DarkHeart16, I left you all a cruel cliffhanger. I hope this final chapter makes up for it lol.

--

As he slid himself down on Tsuzuki's length, Hisoka tried not to cry out when pain lashed itself throughout him. It was only his second time having sex and he hadn't even prepared for it, but even though it hurt, he managed to keep himself from screaming and only gasped, his muscles clenching around the invading member he was burying deep within himself.

Tsuzuki looked at him, staring at the bright green eyes. For a second, Hisoka saw a brief hint of want in those beautiful amethyst eyes. The teen felt the emotions in Tsuzuki. How the man wanted him to be real. And everything in Hisoka shouted for him to tell the man he was himself and not the illusion Tsuzuki's mind had created of him.

Forcing himself not spill his secret, he moved his hips experimentally. It wasn't unpleasant. Tolerable in fact. But since Hisoka had found out long ago that sex was not always the way it had been when Muraki had raped him, he kept moving and rocking his hips as he pushed up and down on Tsuzuki. Soon the pain was eclipsed by the most intensely pleasurable feeling searing through him.

Hisoka flattened his palms against Tsuzuki's chest as he moved his hips. His partner, for all the emotions coming off of him responded to his movements, meeting his motion of his body as he rocked against him, thrusting up into him, causing Hisoka's body to flush with excitement as he found himself reaching for something he couldn't name.

Tsuzuki couldn't deny that he wanted this. Or rather, his body did. His mind was so frayed, he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore really. But as his body responded to the heat the was cocooned around his member, he felt himself raising his hands to grip the pale hips rocking over him. The clenching of the muscles as the boy above him steadily pushed up and down on him. Even if he had to pretend. Feeling terrible that he had to pretend that the illusion wasn't an illusion.

There was that flash again of hope followed quickly by despair as Tsuzuki thought about how everything was just slipping through his fingers. He was once again falling into his mind's illusion as the boy on top of him made love to him.

"Soka," Tsuzuki moaned, his head tossing on the pillow as Hisoka moved above him, rising and falling in the shadows of the room.

_I want this with Hisoka. I don't want to do this anymore if it's not really him,_ Tsuzuki thought as the pain in his heart flooded through him as his body arched up in release and his climax flooded into the boy impaled on him.

"Tsu," Hisoka whimpered as he felt the heat spread into him as his lover climaxed under him. His own body tightening as he felt his orgasm spill over his senses.

Collapsing on top of Tsuzuki, Hisoka felt so satisfied all he wanted to do was sleep. Tsuzuki grunted a little, squirming underneath him. Hisoka pulled off of his partner and rolled to the side, laying next to the man as Tsuzuki stared at the ceiling.

"What's wrong Tsu?" Hisoka asked, lightly touching Tsuzuki's arm.

"Nothing," Tsuzuki said, knowing the illusion wouldn't pry.

"I know something's wrong with you. You don't seem... to be here," Hisoka said, making Tsuzuki turn his head and look at him.

This was new. The illusion never asked twice when told nothing was wrong. The tone of Tsuzuki's voice was usually enough to make the boy not pry. Tsuzuki got out of bed, he didn't want to deal with this now. Didn't want to have to tell his false reality he couldn't be near him anymore, couldn't touch him intimately when all his body craved was his partner. Not this. Not anymore.

_Not this, no more of this. I want to wake but I know I can't. I want Hisoka. I don't want this anymore dammit! _Tsuzuki told himself.

Where do you go when what you thought you wanted is nothing more than an illusion created by yourself? What do you do when you want to wake up and find, you've trapped yourself within the very illusion you hoped would set you free?

So before the waves of despair that were slowly creeping up crashed into him even further, he walked out of the room. The boy on the bed just watching him leave.

--

Hisoka didn't know what to do. He couldn't wake up, not when he'd merged himself with the illusion. He just wanted Tsuzuki to be alright. He wanted to make his partner realize he loved him and wanted to be with him and then get him to wake up. Getting out of the bed, he wrapped a sheet around himself, and padded lightly to the living room. Tsuzuki was sitting on the sofa, head in his hands.

"Tsu, please talk to me," Hisoka whispered as he knelt in front of him.

"I... don't want to hurt you. You're not even real and I still don't want to hurt you. I'm such a selfish coward," Tsuzuki said flatly.

"You're not a coward. You're strong and kind," Hisoka told him, lifting his partner's head to meet his eyes.

"I hurt Hisoka, my partner. The reality of who you are. I don't... I don't want this anymore. I want to go back," Tsuzuki had tears in his eyes now as his amethyst orbs shifted to try to get away from the piercing emerald gaze looking at him.

"Go back then. Why stay here?" the boy said.

"I... hurt him. I hurt him when I chose you over him," Tsuzuki cried softly, his shoulders trembling.

Soft pale hands caressed his face. He looked at the boy kneeling in front of him again.

"You didn't hurt me Tsu. I came back in here for you," Hisoka replied gently.

"Came back... in here for me?" Tsuzuki was confused. Hisoka leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. Pulling back, there was a small smile tugging at the corners of the boy's mouth.

"Do you still think I'm an illusion? I thought after making love to you, you would know the difference," Hisoka said, "Maybe in here, there is no difference."

"Soka?" Tsuzuki gasped as he searched those green eyes, instead of finding blind adoration, he found that spark that Hisoka always had. This was really his partner.

"When you were sleeping with him I merged him and I together. I needed you to see that I wanted to be with you," Hisoka explained, "It was Watari's idea."

"I... oh kami Soka, I forced you to do what you weren't ready for! I'm no better than Muraki," Tsuzuki's eyes went wide as he covered his mouth with his hands.

Hisoka shook his head. "No Tsu, you are _nothing_ like Muraki. With him, I didn't get a choice, with you, I wanted to do it. I wanted you to see that I was ready, despite what you thought. I wanted you."

Tsuzuki stared at Hisoka. His mind taking in everything the boy was telling him. Hisoka, adorable, beautiful Hisoka had come back inside his mind to make him realize he loved him. He hadn't forced him to do anything. Even rejecting the boy hadn't made him run from him.

"I love you Soka," Tsuzuki said, wrapping his arms around the smaller male.

"I love you too Tsu," Hisoka whispered into the man's neck.

"I think I'm ready to wake up," Tsuzuki said as he leaned back to look at Hisoka's beautiful face.

The boy smiled, filling his broken heart with love and promise of the future.

"I'll be there with you," Hisoka told him.

"Will... will you let me make love to you out there?" Tsuzuki asked, his eyes downcast.

"You better," Hisoka replied, his emerald eyes sparkling.

"I don't think I can keep my hands off you after we wake up," the older shinigami murmured.

"Promise?" Hisoka smirked.

"Definitely," Tsuzuki said as he leaned forward to kiss his lover.

--

"Their vitals are picking up," Watari told Tatsumi.

"That's a good sign right?" Tatsumi asked. Watari nodded, staring at the two figures on the bed.

Tatsumi watched as Tsuzuki's hand moved to clasp Hisoka's. He pushed his glasses up when Tsuzuki's eyelids fluttered as the man opened his eyes. Turning his head to watch as his partner's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," Tsuzuki whispered.

"Hey yourself," Hisoka whispered back.

Tsuzuki smiled as Hisoka rolled on top of him, pressing his lips to his partners. Tatsumi and Watari took that as their cue to leave the room. Watari would just run his tests later and Tatsumi's questions could wait until tomorrow.

"Mmm, you feel better out here than you did in there. Though in there, you felt incredible," Hisoka whispered as they broke apart from the kiss.

"You taste wonderful," Tsuzuki murmured as he kissed his partner on the neck, sucking gently as his hands glided along the sides of the boy's body.

"Oh baby, don't stop," Hisoka whimpered as Tsuzuki moved his lips along his collarbone.

"I promised I wouldn't keep my hands off you," Tsuzuki told him, his voice husky with desire.

"Uh huh, you did, so what are you waiting for?" Hisoka teased.

"Not a thing. I've already got what I want," Tsuzuki said, rolling them over so he was on top.

--

Outside the room, Tatsumi glared at Watari as a loud beeping noise sounded.

"Uh oh, I forgot to turn off the heart monitor," Watari said frowning as the two men walked down the hallway.


	9. Together

**A/N**: When I read laustic's last review, I realized I left this sort of up in the air. So I wrote a closing chapter. I hope it's good.

--

Hisoka looked up when the machine beside the bed started beeping. He noticed the wires still connected to Tsuzuki, who was now completely naked with an equally naked Hisoka straddling him.

"Watari.Must.Die," Hisoka growled, pulling the sheet around himself as he rolled off of Tsuzuki.

Thankfully, he'd done it quickly as the door opened revealing Watari with Tatsumi directly behind him.

"Oh my. Guys I'm really sorry about that. I completely forgot about the machine," Watari said, rushing into the room and flicking a switch to turn off the machine.

Hisoka growled from under the sheet he had burrowed himself in. He was bright red but he didn't care since he was covered and no one could see. He was embarrassed because he had just been about to slide himself down on Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki was trying not to laugh at his partner's embarrassment. It didn't help matters that Hisoka was still growling under the sheet. The amethyst eyed shinigami rolled over and pulled his lover closer to him, his chest rumbling with laughter.

"It's alright Watari. These things happen," Tsuzuki grinned, kissing Hisoka on the forehead when the boy poked his head from under the sheet.

"How does one just happen to forget that his patient is hooked up to a machine?" Hisoka grumbled.

"Well you see..." Watari began but was cut off by an "ahem" from behind him.

Hisoka looked up to stare at Tatsumi. The secretary blushed and looked away. The teen bit his lip to stop from grinning.

_At least I'm not the only one embarrassed here,_ he thought, watching the secretary push his glasses up.

"Really, after being in a coma for more than two weeks, you know you shouldn't strain yourself," the blonde said, removing the wires from Tsuzuki.

"Oh I wasn't, Hisoka was though," Tsuzuki replied, grinning.

"Itai Soka!" Tsuzuki yelped when Hisoka bit him on the arm.

"Baka! How could you say such a thing!" Hisoka was redder than a cherry.

Tsuzuki pouted and Hisoka felt bad for biting his lover, so he kissed the spot he'd bit. His partner smiled down at him.

"Watari, when can I go home?" Tsuzuki asked.

"How are you feeling? I think it would be a good idea to keep you for a few more days," the scientist told him.

"I'm feeling fine. Just feel as though I've had a really good nap," Tsuzuki replied. Hisoka was beginning to run one of his hands down the man's chest pausing to lightly caress a hip. Tsuzuki's breath hitched as he struggled to listen to what Watari was saying.

"I'd like to run some tests before you go home. So at least stay here for the night. I'll be back later to check on you," Watari said, walking towards the door. Tatsumi stepped back to let him by.

"Is that alright Tsuzuki?" the blonde asked when he didn't get an answer from Tsuzuki.

Hisoka looked up as Tsuzuki stuttered and nodded, "Y-yes that's f-fine."

Watari lifted an eyebrow, looking from Tsuzuki to Hisoka. Shrugging the scientist just nodded back and closed the door behind him and the secretary, leaving the partners alone once again.

"Kami Soka, I almost couldn't stop myself from grabbing you," Tsuzuki mumbled.

"I wasn't doing anything," Hisoka replied, lifting his gaze to his lover's.

"I guess I'm stuck here for the night," the older man said grumpily.

"Yeah, good luck with that," Hisoka murmured, climbing out of the bed and reaching for his jeans. A heavy feeling had suddenly settled on the teen's shoulders and he no longer felt playful. His chest tightened and his a lump formed in his throat.

Tsuzuki's eyes widened as he watched Hisoka bending down to grab the jeans off the floor.

"You're not staying with me?" Tsuzuki asked, in shock.

Hisoka just shrugged. "Well, the bed really isn't big enough for the both of us and I miss my own," the boy said.

"You would leave me here... alone... after everything?" Tsuzuki whined.

"Hmm, I don't know. I might be convinced to stay here if you promised me something," Hisoka answered.

"Anything. I'll promise you anything Soka-chan," Tsuzuki said, nodding his head.

"Don't call me that baka," the boy told him glaring at him.

"What's the promise?" Tsuzuki asked, getting back to what they were talking about.

"Never leave me again," Hisoka whispered, his green eyes were filling with tears.

Now, having been interrupted from what they had been in the middle of, Hisoka had found himself reflecting on the entire situation. He had realized how close he had come to almost losing the one person he loved more than anything. All because he hadn't had the courage to tell the man how he felt.

Tsuzuki sat up, looking at the smaller figure, standing in the room, the boy on the verge of tears. He reached out his arms, gently tugging on one of Hisoka's hands, pulling the boy onto his lap. Hisoka buried his face in the crook of his neck. The jeans falling from his limp fingers.

"I won't ever leave you again Soka. I swear to you. Right here with you, is the only place I want to be," Tsuzuki whispered gently.

Hisoka couldn't seem to stop crying. No matter what soothing words Tsuzuki whispered to him. The only thing the man could think to do was lay down with the boy and kiss him gently, whispering how much he loved him and wanted nothing more than to just be with him.

"Y-you really l-love me?" Hisoka hiccuped.

"Yes, I really love you Soka. I will never leave you. I will never hurt you. Never again, I promise," Tsuzuki whispered, kissing along the boy's collarbone.

Sniffling, Hisoka wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, then brought his palms down to caress Tsuzuki's back. Arching up as his partner's hands slid down his body to rest on his hips, Hisoka moaned against his partner.

"I love you Tsu. I am sorry for not telling you before everything happened. I was just scared," Hisoka murmured.

"I know baby. But there's nothing to be afraid of anymore," Tsuzuki told him.

Hisoka closed his eyes, enjoying the feel as he partner slid into him.

"Tsu?" Hisoka whispered, beginning to pant as Tsuzuki moved in and out of him.

"Yes baby?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Don't ever let me go," the boy said.

"Never," Tsuzuki whispered, as they fell into each other and there was no more need for words.


End file.
